


Walking A Tightrope

by fiveainley_ohmy



Series: There’s No Business Like Show Business [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Acrobat!Spock, Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Alternate Universe - Victorian, But except for the first chapter everyone is an adult and they’re okay, I just really love this movie okay, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love at First Sight, M/M, Musical, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Ringmaster!Jim, Spock is human but he still has pointy ears, circus AU, i don’t know what i’m doing, the greatest showman au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-03-03 20:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13348935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: In which Spock joins the circus.





	1. Prologue

“Jim Kirk! Have you fetched those eggs yet?!”

“Almost, Mister Kodos, sir!” called the young man. He reached into the coop one more time. The most aggressive hen was still sitting atop her clutch, and Jim knew if he didn’t bring a full basket, he’d surely catch the nasty end of Kodos’s belt.

“Come on, sweetheart, you’re doing nothing with those eggs anyway,” Jim sweetly pleaded with the bird.

The hen glared at him out of one yellow eye, then sharply pecked his hand.

“Ah!” Jim yelped. He grit his teeth and shoved his hand under the feathery bosom of the chicken and retrieved three eggs, enduring more pecks as the hen angrily clucked at him.

“Everyday with this act,” Jim sighed as he pulled out the last egg. He smiled triumphantly at the full load in his basket.

“ _Kirk!_ ”

“Coming!” Jim said, rushing toward the back door to the children’s home. But in his haste, he slipped, falling hard on his stomach. The eggs went flying, every single one falling the ground and cracking to pieces.

Jim stared at the ruined eggs in horror, his stomach turning cold. Then brown boots appeared in his eye line. Jim looked up to see the manager of the orphanage standing over him with a scowl.

“Mister Kodos, it was an accident, please sir-!”

Kodos roughly yanked him to his feet. “Clumsy tramp! I’ll learn you to watching your footing more carefully from now on!” He began dragging Jim toward the woodshed.

“No, please, I’m sorry!” The boy pled, but it did him no good. Kodos lashed him till his backside was numb, then locked him in the attic for the rest of the day with no food.

Jim sat beside the tiny, grimy window, staring out in despair as the other children played. Tears fell down his cheeks. Jim angrily wiped them away.

His parents, poor but good folk, had died when he was very young. He and his older brother Samuel had been sent Kodos’s home, but Sam had run away, leaving Jim behind. Jim hadn’t seen his brother in four years.

Well. Who needed him. In four years, Jim would be 16 and he would be free to leave. And then he was going to make something of himself. He was going to be rich and happy and have adventures. Jim had big dreams, and he was going to see them come true.

“ _I close my eyes, and I can see a world that’s waiting up for me, that I call my own_ ,” Jim began to sing to himself. “ _Through the dark, through the door, through where no one’s been before...but it feels like home. They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy. They can say, they can say I’ve lost my mind. I don’t care, I don’t care, so call me crazy. We can live in a world that we design. ‘Cause every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take...and a million dreams for the world we're gonna make._ ”

* * *

Spock’s heart raced as he pushed his legs to carry him faster. He clutched his hat as he turned down a side street, hoping to shake them his pursuers, but he ran into a wrought iron gate. A dead end.

“There’s the freak!”

“Get him!”

Spock whirled around as four larger boys rushed toward him.

“Get his hat!” ordered the leader.

“Yeah, let’s have a look!” another one jeered as he tried to wrench the hat away from Spock. The boy held on tightly, but he was not strong enough. His hat was ripped away, and his private shame was revealed.

“Look at those ears!”

“He looks like an elf!”

Spock covered his hands over his pointed ears, barely holding back tears.

“I think he’s gonna cry.”

“You know what we do with crybabies,” smirked the leader. The boys smirked at Spock bloodthirstily, balling their fists and hitting them against their palms.

Spock gulped. His eyes darted around desperately. Suddenly, a plan formed in his mind.

Fast as lightning, Spock snatched his hat from the thief and jumped up onto a crate, then another stacked on top of it, out of reach.

“Hey! Get him!” The boys rushed to pull the crates out from under him.

Spock didn’t hesitate to jump, grabbing a lightning rod extending from the building beside him as the crates disappeared from underneath his feet, swinging from it over the tall gate. He cleared it...

...but the back of his waistcoat snagged one of the sharp points of the gate.

Spock hung from the spike, several feet from the ground. He gasped. He’d planned to roll into the fall at a safe angle. Now it was a straight drop that might injure him.

_Riiiiip._

Spock heard the back of his waistcoat slowly ripping in the back. He gasped, bracing himself for the fall.

_**Riiiiiiip!** _

Spock plummeted to the ground, posed in a catlike crouch. To his relief, except for the torn waistcoat, he was fine.

“There he is!”

Spock looked up. The boys had run around to this side while he’d been hanging. And now he had no escape.

* * *

As usual, Spock’s mother was overly doting when Spock came home with bruises and a bloody lip, and as usual, Spock’s father was unsympathetic.

“He needs a private tutor!” Amanda argued. “Those other children torture him everyday!”

“We cannot possibly afford a private tutor. Regardless, Spock must learn how to interact with his peers,” said Sarek disinterestedly from behind his newspaper. “He will simply have to overcome his physical deformity.”

“Sarek, his ears aren’t the problem! It’s people and their cruelty. They’ll never accept him as he is.”

“That is simply how life is, my wife.”

Amanda let out a noise of frustration. Her infinitely bleeding heart often clashed with her husband’s cold rationality.

Spock was secretly listening to them from the other room. A tear leaked down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away and stole away silently.

Spock’s place on the family estate to clear his head was the garden. He leaned against a tree, struggling not to cry. But that sorrow was slowly forming into something else—bitter defiance.

“ _I am not a stranger to the dark_ ,” Spock softly sang. “ _Hide away, they say, 'cause we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say. No one'll love you as you are. But I won't let them break me down to dust. I know that there's a place for us. For we are glorious... When the sharpest words wanna cut me down...I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I'm meant to be, this is me. Look out, 'cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen. I make no apologies, **this is me.**_ ”


	2. The Other Side

“Leonard McCoy! I thought I’d find you in a bar at 2:00 in the afternoon.”

The good doctor looked up from his whiskey to see a cheerful young man taking the barstool beside him. McCoy blinked, trying to discern him through his boozed up fog. “Jim Kirk?” he said.

“The one and only!” Jim said. He raised his glass. “To the new century.”

McCoy, or he was called by friends, “sawbones”, or just simply, “Bones” reluctantly toasted with him. ”Ugh. Forgot what a cheerful bastard you are. So you’re back in San Francisco. Didn’t you go east to make your fortune in the railroading business?”

”I did. And I did. But now I’m back. They’re saying California is going to be the center of art in America.”

”More like the center for disease,” groused Bones. “People in this city are getting sicker and sicker. You pass someone who’s hacking his lungs out every three minutes. And this feller at Berkeley is saying we’re sitting on top of a giant crack in the earth. I mean, what’s keeping it from opening up and swallowing us all?”

”Seems to me that San Franciscans could use a good doctor now more than ever,” Jim said gently.

”Well that good doctor isn’t me. Not anymore. I’ve retired from that life. I’m happy to live the life of a well-off bachelor of leisure.”

Jim pursed his lips in concern. He’d heard that his old friend’s wife had left him and taken their daughter, Johanna, and that Bones had quit his medical practice in despair, choosing to spend his days drinking away his pain.

”Or maybe what you really need is a new line of business—show business.”

”Never heard of it,” Bones said.

”That’s ‘cause I just made it up,” Jim said confidently.

”You gonna be a performer? Jim, I’ve heard you sing-“

”Relax, I wouldn’t unleash that terror on the world. No, we collect rare and unusual talents, talents that are just waiting to be discovered in this city, and we make a variety show out of them.”

”We? Why do you say _we?_ ”

”You’re my friend, Bones. You’re the only friend I’ve got in this city.”

”I’m the only friend with money, you mean.”

”That is a plus, for sure. But anyone can see that you’re in a funk. You need something in your life to put a smile back on your face!”

”I’m quite content the way I am, thank you very much.”

”Drinking your days away until you run out of money? Or drop dead?”

”Whichever comes first!” said Bones in a mockingly chipper tone.

Jim pointed the end of his finger on the bar. “ _Right here, right now: I put the offer out. I don't want to chase you down, but I know you see it. You run with me and I can cut you free out of the drudgery and walls you keep in. So trade that typical for something colorful. And if it's crazy, live a little crazy. You can play it sensible, a king of conventional...or you can risk it all and seeeeee...Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play? ‘Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride. It'll take you to the other side. ‘Cause you can do like you do. Or you can do like me. Stay in the cage, or you'll finally take the key. Oh, damn! Suddenly you're free to fly! It'll take you to the other side_.”

”Jim, this is nonsense! I’m not throwing my life and livelihood away on some hair brained scheme of yours!” Bones argued.

”Why not? You’re already throwing your life away on _this!_ ” Jim stole Bones’s shot glass.

”Hey!” Bones barked.

” _You would finally live a little, finally laugh a little. Just let me give you the freedom to dream and it'll wake you up, and cure your aching. Take your walls and start 'em breaking. Now that's a deal that seems worth taking...But I guess I'll leave that up to you._ ” Jim smiled, knowing he was winning Bones over, albeit reluctantly on the ex-doctor’s part.

Bones wrapped his fingers on the bar impatiently. “And we’d be equal partners?” he asked.

”Of course! I’d handle the show business stuff, and you’d handle the boring stuff. Money and all that.”

” _I_ don’t have to sing, right?”

”Not unless you want to,” winked Jim.

Bones glared for a moment, then sighed. “Oh hell. Why not?”

The two men grinned and burst into song. “ _Don't you wanna get away to a whole new part you're gonna play, ‘cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride...to the other side._ ”

“ _So if you do like I do,_ ” Jim said.

“ _So if you do like me,_ ” Bones added.

“ _Forget the cage, 'cause we know how to make the key,_ ” they sang together. “ _Oh, damn! Suddenly we're free to fly!...We're going to the other side._ “

* * *

Jim and Bones bought themselves a small building in a semi-busy part of the city. The very next day, they began posting flyers everywhere, advertising for astounding acts and unusual talents.

Several people auditioned and impressed them. A young man named Chekov came in with his trained dog Pyatno. Then there was the fencer, Sulu. And finally, there was a Scotsman who could build amazing little machines that made lights or sound or sparks or fog.

”I love it!” Jim had said to him eagerly. “What’s your name, sir?”

”Montgomery Scott, sir,” replied the man with a proud grin.

”That’s perfect! We’ll call the act _Monty’s Mechanical Marvels_ ,” Jim declared.

Bones pushed a contract and a pen toward him. “Sign on the line.”

”I gotta go, Bones. I’m going to try to bring in more acts. I’ll let you audition the rest.” Jim patted his back.

Bones rolled his eyes fondly. “Next,” he called as Scott moved aside.

A tall man wearing a knit cap entered. “Good afternoon. My name is Spock.”

”Spock what?” Bones asked.

”You could not begin to pronounce it. Just Spock will suffice.”

”Well, Just Spock, you got an act?”

The man nodded. “I am what you would call an acrobat.”

”Acrobat?”

”Yes. Gymnastics, trapeze, tightrope. I am quite agile.”

”This I’d like to see,” Bones said.

Spock nodded. “Very well.” He looked around, then spotted the upper balcony of the arena. He strode across the room and nimbly shimmied up a tier to the second level.

”He’s very good,” observed Sulu.

”Like a _obez’yana_ ,” Chekov agreed.

”Like a wot, laddie?” Scott said.

”A little...ah...monkey. Yes. He climbs like a monkey.”

”Cannae argue with that.”

Spock pulled himself up and climbed onto the thin safety railing. The other four men sucked in nervous breaths. “Should we go over there in case he falls?” Sulu whispered.

”I don’t think he’s gonna,” Bones murmured. “Look.”

Spock, arms extended to balance himself, walked across the railing, deftly as a cat. His stoic face showed no fear or insecurity. He wavered only once, but caught his balance very quickly. When he reached the other end, he turned out toward his captive audience below, and did a graceful backflip safely back onto the second level floor.

The other four men clapped and whistled. “Well, I’d say we have an act!” Bones whooped as Spock climbed his way back down.

”Thank you for this opportunity,” Spock said with a nod. “I have but one caveat, however.”

”If it’s more money, that’s out of the question, we’re already payin’ you fellas more than we can afford-“

”It has nothing to do with payment, Doctor McCoy.” Spock pointed to his cap. “This stays on, at all times.”

Bones raised an eyebrow. “Why? This a religious thing or somethin’?”

Spock paused for a moment, then nodded. “Yes.”

Bones shrugged. “Doesn’t make a difference. The crowds’ll be so scared shitless watchin’ you walk around on rope, they won’t even notice your head.”

”I am counting on that,” Spock said, bending to sign his contract.

* * *

Jim was eagerly passing out his flyers, but most just took them, gave them a glance, and tossed them on the ground three steps later. Jim sighed and bent to pick some up before they were stepped on or dirtied. Might as well save on the cost of printing.

Then, a distant sound caught Jim’s attention. Sweet singing. Someone was singing nearby.

Jim curiously followed the sound until he reached the back door of a laundryhouse. He let himself in without so much as a knock.

A washerwoman tried to stop him. “Sir, you can’t be in here.”

”I heard singing, who is that?” Jim said, looking around.

The gentle singing stopped abruptly, and Jim saw a dark-skinned woman turn away shyly and hurry back to her laundry.

”It’s you, isn’t it?” Jim said, rushing toward her, dodging the couple of washers who tried to stop him. “Your voice is angelic!”

Several of the washerwomen tittered. The singing woman blushed. “Thank you, sir.”

”You don’t belong in here,” said Jim. “A voice like yours should be on a stage, shared with everyone.” Jim handed her one of his flyers. “Just consider it?”

”You can’t be serious.”

”Why not?”

The woman bit her lip. “I don’t believe folks like _you_ would be very pleased if you put someone like _me_ up on a stage for all to see.”

”Oh, I’m counting on that,” Jim said with a playful grin. He held out the flyer encouragingly.

The woman hesitated, then cautiously took it and stowed it in the pocket of her dull grey dress. “I...I’ll think about it, sir.”

“Thank you,” said Jim, turning to go. “Thank you very much!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to do research on San Francisco in 1900. Apparently it did attract the art crowd and show people, but also the beginning of the 20th century marked a breakout of bubonic plague in SF, plus the giant earthquake of 1906. For once, Bones’s pessimism is founded XD
> 
> Ironically, there’s a joke about Jim being tone deaf, yet he’s singing throughout this entire fic lol


	3. All The Stars We Steal

“Morning, everyone!” said Jim cheerfully as he came in on Saturday morning, when all the acts were due to rehearse, so Jim and Bones could arrange the show.

”Ugh, it’s too early for your chipper crap,” groaned Bones grumpily.

”It’s 9 AM,” said Jim confusedly.

”Well...I might be a little hungover,” Bones admitted.

Jim rolled his eyes fondly. “How are our acts looking?”

”They’re some impressive boys, but Jim, I’m not sure we have enough to make a whole show. Our acts are kind of...sparse. I mean, how long are people supposed to watch smoke bombs go off? Or watch a dog jump through a hoop? Or a guy swordfight without a partner?”

”We’ll manage, Bonesy...ooh, what if we set the dog’s hoop on fire?”

”You are not setting my Pyatno on fire!” Chekov yelped from across the arena.

Jim sighed. “Well, we’ll think of something.”

Bones grunted. Then his blue eyes widened. “Jim, watch out!”

”Huh?” Jim turned around just in time to see a man hanging from a trapeze swinging right toward him.

The trapeze artist locked eyes with him as he reached the apex of his swing, and Jim felt time stop.

The man was _gorgeous_. He had a stern face with a strong jaw and sharp cheekbones, and the deep chocolate brown of his eyes, framed by long feathery lashes, made Jim feel like he was drowning. There was raven black hair poking out from under the toque he wore over his ears, and his lips had the most artful Cupid’s bow shape to them that Jim could suddenly imagine himself tracing with the tip of his tongue. Jim could’ve stayed frozen in that instant for eternity.

But inevitably, time started back up again, and the man swung back the other way. He grabbed another trapeze swing and did an impressive flip from it. He didn’t just have a lovely face, he had a body to match: lean, tall, and strong, and somewhat sinful looking in his tight black undershirt that he had stripped down to while practicing.

”Who’s that?” Jim breathed in awe.

”Oh, that’s Spock,” Bones answered disinterestedly. “Acrobat. Nimble bastard, isn’t he?”

Jim swallowed. “That’s one way to put it.”

Spock landed lightly on his feet on the hay-strewn floor of the arena. Then, he turned...and began heading straight for Jim.

Jim’s heart began to pound. He smoothed down the front of his morning jacket, then took off his top hat, as if preparing to meet a grand lady.

”Doctor McCoy,” said Spock in a luscious baritone as warm as the brown of his eyes. “I have surveyed the premises, and I believe stringing my tightrope across the middle of the room parallel to the main entrance would lend itself to optimal spectacle for the audience.”

Bones grunted. “I’ll take care of it.”

”If it is all the same to you, I would prefer to hang the rope myself.”

”Less work for me,” shrugged Bones. “I left the cord you requested backstage.”

”I appreciate that,” Spock nodded.

”A tightrope act?” Jim said. “Isn’t that dangerous? Do you want a net as a failsafe?”

Spock turned to look at him. His penetrating eyes scanned him for a moment. Jim willed himself not to quiver underneath his gaze. “A net is not needed, sir,” said Spock resolutely.

”But you could fall. You could get hurt,” Jim insisted.

Spock’s gaze averted toward the ground slightly. “I never fall, sir. Therefore, I never get injured.”

Jim took a small step toward him. “You never know,” he said softly. He stared up at the taller man. “You never know when you could fall...and it would devastate me if you got hurt.”

Slightly color appeared in Spock’s cheeks. “I presume you are James Kirk, the co-owner of this organization,” he said.

”I am.” Jim shook his hand, and felt tingles from where their flesh touched. “You’re lovely to meet—I mean, it’s lovely to meet you!” Jim flushed blood red.

Spock raised an eyebrow in what Jim thought was perhaps amusement. “The sentiment is mutual,” he said, in a slightly more cordial voice than before. He even smiled a bit. The sight made Jim’s insides flutter.

_Holy shit. I have no idea how I’ll get anything done with him around!_

_I’ve never seen a man more exquisite,_ Spock was musing at the exact same time. _It is as though he was sculpted from sunlight. His eyes even shine with it._

”Excuse me,” a soft voice broke in from near the front door. “Mister Kirk?”

Jim and Spock turned at the noise, and Bones looked up from his figuring. The washerwoman with the angelic voice was standing there with Jim’s flyer in her hand, looking in timidly.

Jim lit up. “It’s you! You came!”

The washerwoman smiled shyly. “My curiosity got the better of me.”

”Bones, you absolutely have to hear this woman sing,” Jim gushed. “She would bring the house down if we added her to our show.”

Bones appraised the washerwoman with an eyebrow raised. “I’d certainly say so.”

”I apologize, miss; I never got your name the other day,” Jim said.

”Nyota Uhura, sir,” said the washerwoman.

”That’s gorgeous,” Jim said. “So exotic. Miss Uhura, I want you to meet Leonard McCoy, my business partner, and Spock. He’s a trapeze artist.”

”Pleasure to meet you,” Nyota nodded to each of the men.

”You sing?” Bones asked.

”Like an angel,” Jim replied. “No, like a siren. The Siren Of San Francisco! It’s perfect!”

”Hold your horses, Jim. We haven’t hired her yet. I haven’t even heard her sing!”

Jim looked at Nyota. “Miss Uhura, if you don’t mind...would you give us a quick sample?”

Nyota, looking nervous, nodded.

”Come here.” Jim took her by the elbow, leading her out into the ring, to the center stage. “A star deserves the place of honor.”

The practicing performers paused what they were doing as Jim led Nyota to her spot. Sulu lowered his foil, Chekov put down Pyatno’s hoop, and Scotty switched off his fog creating machine, raising an eyebrow curiously.

Jim gently positioned Nyota. “This alright?”

“I’ve never really sung for this many people before,” Nyota admitted, her eyes darting to the other five men in the room.

Jim smiled sympathetically. “Hate to tell you, but if all goes as planned, you’ll be singing for many, many more than this.”

Nyota flushed.

Jim stepped down from the platform. “Whenever you’re ready, Miss Uhura.”

”Er...what would you like to hear?” she asked.

”Whatever you like,” said Jim encouragingly.

Nyota thought for a second, then nodded. She took a deep breath, look out at the empty seats, and began to sing.

“ _I'm trying to hold my breath. Let it stay this way. Can't let this moment end. You set off a dream with me. Getting louder now. Can you hear it echoing?_ ”

Nyota’s voice was soft, deep, and thick with a melancholy sweetness. All the men apart from Jim had their mouths open in awe. Even Bones.

“ _Take my hand_ ,” Nyota crooned. “ _Will you share this with me? ‘Cause darling, without you...all the shine of a thousand spotlights, all the stars we steal from the night sky, will never be enough...never be enough. Towers of gold are still too little. These hands could hold the world, but it'll never be enough. Never be enough..for me_.“ Nyota’s whole mien took on a whole new confidence, as if she was releasing her insecurities as her voice grew louder and more powerful. “ _Never, never!...Never, never!...Never, for me. For me! Never enough!...Never enough!...Never enouuuugh! For me...for me... **for me!**_ ”

By now, all the men were completely captivated by the raw strength of this woman’s voice. Scotty’s eyes were filled with tears.

“ _All the shine of a thousand spotlights_ ,” Nyota refrained. “ _All the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough. Never be enough! Towers of gold are still too little. These hands could hold the world but it'll never be enough. Never be enough...for me! Never, never!...Never, never!...Never...for me. For me...Never enough! Never, never! Never enough! Never, never! Never enough...for me. For me. **For me!**..._ ”

Nyota’s dramatic note echoed throughout the room for a moment. Then Nyota dropped her shoulders demurely, and tenderly sang the last two notes: “ _For me._ ”

There was stunned silence for a moment, then all the men broke into fervent applause. “That was beautiful,” said Jim, coming to the stage. “Just...absolutely beautiful.”

Scotty gasped, wiping his eyes. “She really does have the voice of an angel,” he stammered to Sulu. Sulu nodded in silent agreement, too stunned to say anything.

”Goddamn,” was all Bones could say. “ _Goddamn_.”

”I’ve never let myself sing like that before,” said Nyota shyly. “Not even when I was alone. I’ve been too afraid that people would hear.”

”Oh they’ll hear, alright,” Jim said. “People will come from all over this country just to hear your voice. Hell, they might even come all the way from Europe. Miss Uhura, you _have_ to join us. Please.”

Scotty came to the edge of the stage. “ _Please_ ,” he begged, gazing up at her as if she truly was an angel.

Nyota blushed and looked away shyly. “...alright,” she agreed, unable to keep the smile from her face.

The men cheered, whooped, and hollered. Jim joyfully bounded up onstage and swept the small woman into his arms in a twirling hug. Nyota let out a surprised laugh. Jim set her down. “We have no time to waste! We need to get this place ready! We need costumes, lights, posters, banners! We’re gonna give San Francisco the greatest show it’s ever seen!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim is such a pure soul. And of course he’s in love with Spock from the very first time they lock eyes. And Scotty’s in love with Nyota and her golden voice.


	4. Come One, Come All

They worked over several days and got their act together. Their numbers may have been small, but their talent was great. Especially Uhura and Spock. Jim could see the two of them easily becoming the star attractions of the show. Everyone was enraptured by Uhura’s voice, and Spock, well...Spock was magic.

Jim watched, enchanted, as Spock artfully rehearsed his routine on the flying trapeze. The way he flipped and flew through the air was almost superhuman. Still, Jim’s heart lurched a little every time Spock let go of the rope or the bar or the ring. He really did wish Spock would let him set up a net just for good measure.

Jim felt a gentle elbow in his side as Bones sat down beside him, breaking him out of his reverie. “Quit fretting, Jim. Spock’s not going to fall.”

”You never know, Bones,” Jim sighed, turning his gaze back to the acrobat. “He might.”

”I’m more worried about our ticket sales. Only a couple of people have bought seats.”

“Oh, they’re probably just waiting till the night of,” Jim said with a reassured smile. “Come tomorrow night, this stadium will be packed with folks come to watch our show.”

Bones made a doubtful noise. “I really hope I didn’t bet on the wrong horse, here.”

”Bones, I’m telling you-“ But suddenly his attention was turned back to Spock, as his knit cap fell from his head during a flip and fluttered to the ground. Spock’s eyes widened, and he nearly slipped and missed the trapeze bar. Spock hung there, staring at his lost hat fearfully. Jim realized he had no way to get down.

”Hold on, Spock, we’ll get you down!” Jim gestured for Bones to let out the slack on Spock’s trapeze, and he hurried out into the arena to help steady Spock when he reached the ground. He scooped up the lost hat.

”Mr. Kirk, I assure you, your assistance is not needed,” Spock began to say as the bar began to descend.

”Oh nonsense, it’s no trouble, reall-“ Jim stopped as Spock grew closer.

His _ears_. They were...

Jim caught Spock’s legs and helped him to the ground, still staring at the man’s head in bewilderment.

Spock would not meet his gaze. “Thank you. I would appreciate you giving my property back-“

”My God,” Jim whispered, hazel eyes darting from pointed ear to pointed ear.

Spock flushed and scowled. “Mr. Kirk, my _hat_ , please.” He tried to snatch it from Jim’s hand, but Jim held it out of his reach. Spock exhaled in annoyance.

”Amazing,” Jim said in awe. “Remarkable...I’d even say _beautiful_.”

Spock’s cheeks turned red, but this time not because of shame. His eyes widened. “ _What?!_ ” he said.

”How did it happen?” Jim said. “Were you born this way, or was there an accident? A...mechanical rice picker or something?”

”I...” Spock blinked. “It is a birth defect. My ears have always been this shape.” His voice was small, wary, as if he was readying himself to fight or make flight.

”They’re wonderful,” breathed Jim.

“I...I do not appreciate being mocked, sir,” growled Spock.

”I’m not mocking you! They truly are magnificent,” Jim gushed.

“My lord!” Bones had come over from the rigging area and was now staring at Spock’s ears as well with his mouth agape.

“You look like a fae creature,” Jim blurted.

That did it. “Mr. Kirk, I will be taking my hat and leaving,” Spock spat, reaching for his cap.

”Oh, I’m sorry, that was rude,” Jim said apologetically, stepping again out of his reach. “I didn’t mean to insult you. You must get comments like that all the time. But you must know, your ears really are lovely. I mean that, honestly.”

”Heaven help me, I’ve hired the devil,” Bones muttered, making a cross over his chest.

”What’s going on?”

Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov had come in from backstage. They spotted Spock’s ears and gasped. “ _Domovoy!_ ” Chekov exclaimed.

”Please,” Spock said quietly, staring at the floor near Jim’s feet. “Just let me go.”

Jim looked at him sadly. This poor man. To have to hide, to feel ashamed. The ridiculing he must have gone through as a child. Boy, did Jim understand about a rough childhood.

Jim carefully stepped forward. He pushed Spock’s hat into his hands. “Don’t leave. I-we still want you to be in the show.”

”Why?” Spock snapped with a chilling glare at him. “So I can be your sideshow freak? So you can put me in next to the dog faced boy? My deformity is not a spectacle for your audience to laugh at.”

”Laugh at you? No one’s laughing here,” Jim said sternly. “We’re a little surprised, sure, but no one is laughing at you.” Jim gave the others a menacing glare, as if daring them to make one snicker. None of them made a sound.

”You’re incredibly talented, Mr. Spock,” Jim continued. “When you’re up there on those ropes, no one breathes. They’re all too encapsulated by your tricks. No one will give a damn about your ears. If anything, they make you all the more fascinating.”

Spock squeezed the hat in his hands. “It’s easy for you to say such things. You haven’t any idea what it’s like...for people to point at you, taunt you, call you things like ‘demon’ or ‘monster’. How could you?” _When you are so beautiful_ , Spock added to himself silently.

Jim nodded. “That’s true. But I can imagine... _you stumble through your days. Got your head hung low, your sky's a shade of grey. Like a zombie in a maze, you're asleep inside. But you can shake awake! ‘_ _Cause you're just a dead man walking, thinking that's your only option. But you can flip the switch and brighten up your darkest day. Sun is up and the color's blinding. Take the world and redefine it. Leave behind your narrow mind, you'll never be the same!_ _Come alive_ ,” Jim sang, placing his hands on Spock’s shoulders. “ _Come alive! Go and light your light, let it burn so bright. Reaching up...to the sky! And it's open wide, you're electrifie_ _d. When the world becomes a fantasy, and you're more than you could ever be, ‘cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open. And you know you can't go back again to the world that you were living in, ‘cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open...so come alive!”_

Spock stared at him in surprise. Jim grinned and took him by the hands, leading him up onto the center stage. The spotlight shone down on Spock, who panicked, feeling very exposed, and tried to scoot away, but Jim stopped him.

“ _I see it in your eyes!_ ” Jim sang to him. “ _You believe that lie, that you need to hide your face. Afraid to step outside, so you lock the door, but don't you stay that way!_ ”

“ _No more living in those shadows_ ,” interjected Uhura, suddenly appearingly on Spock’s other side. “ _You and me, we know how that goes._ ”

“‘ _Cause once you see it, oh, you'll never, never be the same!_ ” Sulu added determinedly.

“ _We will be the light that's turning_ ,” the both of them sang together. “ _Bottled up but keep on shining!_ ”

” _You can prove there's more to you_ ,” Scotty and Chekov joined in.

” _You cannot be afraid!_ ” Jim exclaimed, clutching Spock’s hands.

“ _Come alive, come alive!_ ” the five of them sang to Spock. ” _Go and light your light, let it burn so bright! Reaching up...to the sky! And it's open wide, you're electrified! When the world becomes a fantasy, and you're more than you could ever be, ‘cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open! And we know we can't go back again, to the world that we were living in, ‘cause we're dreaming with our eyes wide open. So come alive!_ ”

”So what do you say, Spock?” Jim asked. “You can walk out of here and hide under that hat for the rest of your life...or you let your light shine on that trapeze, where you belong.”

Spock bit his lip, staring at the cap in his hands. Then he took a deep breath, stuck it in the back of his pants, and nodded. He smiled a tiny bit at Jim.

Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov cheered. Jim grinned.

Bones sighed. “Lord help me,” he muttered to himself, walking away. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

* * *

It was the night of their opening show. The seats were only about 1/3 full, to Bones’s dismay. Jim wasn’t disheartened, however. Word of mouth would bring in the people. It was only a matter of time.

As Scotty’s little machines spit out a dazzling mini-display of fireworks, Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu danced out to greet the audience. “ _Come one, come all! Come in, come on!_ ” they sang.

Spock, backstage, was buttoning himself into his costume. “ _To anyone who's bursting with a dream_ ,” he sang shyly to himself as he stared into the mirror.

” _Come one, come all! You hear the call!_ ”

Jim burst through the curtains, looking flashy and dapper in a top hat and a golden yellow tailcoat. “ _To anyone who's searching for a way to break free!_ ” The ringleader sang out.

The small crowd went wild as Spock swung in, dazzling then with his acrobatic feats. Jim was right. They didn’t care about his ears. They weren’t calling him freak or devil child. They were cheering for him. Spock felt a wide smile spreading across his face.

The other performers continued to dance and sing below him. “ _When the world becomes a fantasy, and you're more than you could ever be, ‘cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open! And we know we can't go back again to the world that we were living in, ‘cause we're dreaming with our eyes wide open! Yes, we're dreaming with our eyes wide open...so come aliiiiiiiiiiive!_ ”

The house was far from full. But from the deafening cheers and applause, one could have swore it was packed to the gills. Jim, breathing hard, closed his eyes, and soaked in the sound.

Jim sensed something dropping from above to his right. He opened his eyes to see that Spock had lighted beside him. He seemed to shine in his black and blue costume. He stared out at the audience that was madly cheering for him, then turned his shy gaze toward Jim.

Jim nodded, smiling proudly, and Spock took a step forward, bowing deeply. The applause grew louder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A domovoy is a Slavic mythical creature. It’s basically a house sprite. (There are definitely worse things Chekov could’ve called Spock.) S/o to a comment for pointing that out to me. :)
> 
> If you read closely, you’ll catch my references to “City On The Edge Of Forever” and “This Side Of Paradise”.


	5. I Make No Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning for racism.**

Jim’s prediction was right. Word spread of their show, and they began to sell more and more seats every night. People laughed as Sulu pretended to be a musketeer as he flourishingly sliced up fruit midair with his sword, and clapped in awe of Scotty’s special effects made by his machines. Little children especially loved Chekov and Pyatno’s tricks.

But the real reason people came in droves was to see Spock’s daring feats of dexterity and to hear Uhura’s clarion voice. They quickly rose to popularity, and not even the most curmudgeonly of critics could deny their talent...except for one. One particularly scathing reviewer, Tristan Adams, called their show a “circus”.

”Jim, have you seen this hatchet job?!” Bones yelled, shoving the article in Jim’s face.

Jim took the paper from him and scanned it briefly. He grinned and chuckled. “Circus. I kinda like that.”

”Well, I’m glad your vocabulary’s tickled! Meanwhile, this Adams bastard told the high society of San Francisco, not to mention the entire west coast, that our show is pure hokum! We could sue for slander!”

”With what money?” Jim said disinterestedly, looking for a pair of scissors to cut the article out with. “Everything we make goes into the show.”

Bones growled. “He called you a two-bit hustler—a phony. Don’t you even care?”

Jim just smiled, carefully snipping out the review. “Those smiles we put on people’s faces every night—they aren’t phony. We’re bringing happiness to people’s lives. That’s the important thing. Besides, we owe Mr. Adams a thanks.”

”A _thanks?!_ For what?!”

”For my latest business idea.” Jim tacked the clipping to the wall of the inside of the ticket booth. “Print up flyers saying that everyone who brings in a copy of Adams’s review gets half off admission.”

Bones balked at him as he exited the ticket booth. “Oh,” added Jim as an afterthought. “And get someone to paint ‘Kirk and McCoy Circus’ over the entrance.”

* * *

For the most part, the circus was loved by those who went there. But there was those who would see Kirk, McCoy, and their troupe run out of town.

A crowd had formed outside the circus. Most were just folks waiting to buy tickets and be admitted inside, but several were angry protesters. "Freaks!" yelled a bearded man as Spock, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, and Uhura approached the circus building. The angry citizens gathered in front of the performers, blocking their way.

"We don't want your kind 'round here!" cried another protester.

A woman pointed at Spock. "Look at the monkey ears!"

"Zey are yelling at us," said Chekov, wide-eyed with astonishment. "Vhat have ve done?"

"Nothing," grumbled Sulu. "They don't like us because we're different, plain and simple."

Uhura stepped forward. "Please, we just want to get through," she entreated.

The bearded man pushed himself into her space, towering over her. "Maybe we don't wanna let you through, _Mammy_."

"I'll ask you to step away from the lady, mister," growled Scotty, stepping up beside Uhura protectively.

"Oh yeah? You gonna make me?"

Sulu and Chekov tensed, readying themselves for a fight.

"Hey, hey, what the devil's goin' on here?" Bones, followed by Jim, pushed through the protesters. "You quit harassing my employees or I'll have the law on all of y'all like white on rice," threatened the ex-doctor.

Bearded Man growled, but turned away, his fellows protesters following suit. "We'll be back. Can't nothin' stop us from bein' here," he said. He spat on the ground.

One protester sneered over his shoulder at Spock. "See you soon, Satan Boy."

"Hey!" Jim shouted at him, infuriated. "Get out of here!"

The protester snickered as he walked away.

"Kirk," said Spock softly, touching his shoulder. "It's alright."

"It's _not_ alright," Jim spat. "Those people think they can just come here and say whatever they want-"

"Unfortunately, their vitriol is protected by the First Amendment."

"Yeah well, it  _shouldn't_ be," Jim grumbled. "I could punch that guy for saying that to you."

"It hardly the worst I have heard before," Spock said gently. "Besides, it has been a long time since I let hateful words affect me."

"I know, but...still." Jim looked at Spock. "Words do hurt. Just look at Uhura."

Spock turned his head toward the woman, who looked sunk in on her herself. Scotty was doing his best to console her, but it was clear she was slightly upset.

Spock considered her for a moment, then stepped toward her and put his hand on her shoulder. " _I am not a stranger to the dark_ ," he sang empathetically to her. " _Hide away, they say, 'cause we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars. Run away, they say. No one'll love you as you are...but I won't let them break me down to dust. I know that there's a place for us...for we are glorious...When the sharpest words wanna cut me down...I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I'm meant to be, this is me. Look out, 'cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me_."

Uhura smiled slowly at his words. The others looked somewhat heartened as well. " _Another round of bullets hits my skin_ ,” Uhura began to sing as well. _”Well, fire away. 'Cause today, I won't let the shame sink in. We are bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun!_ "

" _We are warriors_ ," Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov backed her up.

" _Yeah, that's what we've become!_ " Uhura bellowed.

" _I won't let them break me down to dust, I know that there's a place for us_ ," all the "freaks" sang together. " _For we are glorious! When the sharpest words wanna cut me down...I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I'm meant to be, this is me! Look out 'cause here I come! And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me!_ "

Jim and Bones smiled at each other as their friends strode confidently toward the front doors. The waiting crowd cheered for them as they passed. Uhura blew them a kiss. " _And I know that I deserve your love,”_ she sang confidently. _“'Cause there's nothing I'm not worthy of!_ "

" _When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_ ," Spock softly sang. " _I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out_." He touched his ears and looked back at Jim shyly. " _This is brave, this is bruised, this is who I'm meant to be, this is me..._ "

" _Look out, 'cause here I come!_ " sang the others, loudly and proudly, basking in the praise of the eager circus patrons. " _And I'm marching on to the beat I drum! I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me! Oh, whoa-oh, oh, whoa-oh, oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh, **THIS IS ME**!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tristan Adams is the hypnotist doctor guy from "Dagger of the Mind".


	6. Share Your Dreams With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait for this chapter!

It was Sunday, which meant the circus was closed. Good thing too, because everyone needed that blessed day off to rest after putting 150% of themselves into their performances six nights a week.

Which was why Jim was pleasantly surprised when his pointy-eared acrobat friend paid him a visit at his apartment that evening. "Spock! Come in!" he said, opening the door for him.

"Thank you," said Spock, removing his hat once inside. There was no need to hide his ears from Jim.

"So what do I owe the pleasure? Oh, do you want a drink? I have, er...water."

"Water would be quite appreciated," said Spock, taking a seat at Jim's kitchen table.

Jim poured him a glass from a pitcher and handed it to him. Their hands brushed. The two men locked eyes at the same time, then, blushing slightly, looked away.

"To answer your former query, Kirk, I have come to...well...give you my gratitude, I suppose."

Jim tilted his head to the side. "You came to thank me? For what?"

Spock took a breath to steady himself. "For...showing me kindness. Last night, at the protest. And before, when my...peculiarity was revealed to the company."

"Spock, you don't have to thank me for showing you basic human decency," said Jim, sliding into a seat across from him. "It's _literally_ the very least I could do for you."

"I know I deserve to be treated better than the way that most of society does," Spock replied. "But still, it is a rare occasion for someone to truly see me as their equal and defer to me as such. In truth, no one has ever treated me as more than sub-human apart from my own mother. You seem to accept me for exactly what I am."

"I _like_ who you are, Spock," Jim laughed lightly. "You're very intelligent, and your personality is unusual, but in a good way. You have a very serious exterior, but I've noticed that you have a sort of dry wit that makes me laugh. And you're very kind-hearted, once people break though that closed-off nature. I saw the way you comforted Uhura when that jackass got in her face. You're a great person, Spock."

Spock's cheeks colored a bit at Jim's flattering words. His warm brown gaze flickered shyly to his lap. "I do not know if all the traits you have listed about me are true. No one has ever seen what I am beyond my ears."

"Believe me, Spock, I wouldn't lie to you. You are great. And I think the people who come to our shows and see you up there on those ropes, in your element, they're coming to see it too."

Spock smiled softly. "You are my first friend, Jim. I wish you to know that I cherish you."

It was the first time Spock had called him by his first name. Jim felt his heart grow warm. "I cherish you too, Spock."

Their gazes linger a moment too long, and then Spock shyly looked away. He spied a daguerreotype in a frame on the wall. A man, a woman, and two young boys were poised for a family portrait together. Spock rose from his seat, coming over to inspect it. "Is this your family?"

"Yep," Jim said, getting up to stand beside him. "My ma and pa, and brother Sam. The little guy is me."

"Your parents make a most handsome couple," Spock remarked. It was obvious that Jim got his dashing good looks from his mother. Same shining hair with the slight wave to it, same gentle eyes, same full lips. "They must be proud that you've made your way in the world as you have."

"Well...I like to think they would." Jim's voice softened a bit. "They died when I was just a boy."

Spock turned to him, eyebrows raised in concerned. "I am so sorry."

"Thank you. Sam and I were sent to a boy's home. It was basically a prison. It was so bad that my brother ran away. He sent me a few postcards, promising to come get me out as soon as he was old enough to take me on, but he was killed in a mining accident." Jim looked down at the floor. “It’s been only me for most of my life.”

Spock gently laid his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “You are not alone anymore. You have Doctor McCoy and myself now. And the others think most highly of you as well—I am quite certain they are fond of you.”

Jim smiled wistfully. “I like to think so. I guess I like having surrounded myself with people. Our coworkers, the people who come to our shows. The home I grew up in was such a miserable place—just chores and Bible study and punishment. I guess I wanted to do something that brings some joy to people’s lives.” Jim got a far off look in his eye. “ _I close my eyes, and I can see, a world that’s waiting up for me. That I call my own. Through the dark, through the door, through where no one’s been before. But it feels like home...they can say, they can say it all sounds crazy. They can say, they can say I’ve lost my mind. I don’t care, I don’t care, so call me crazy. We can live in a world that we design. ‘Cause every night, I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keepin’ me awake. I think of what the world could be. A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it’s gonna take...and a million dreams for the world we’re gonna make_.“

Spock smiled at Jim.

Jim looked at him, grinned, took him by the hand, and pulled him over to the window. He pointed out an imaginary landmark on the horizon. “ _There’s a house we can build. Every room inside is filled with things from far away_.” Jim picked up a small globe sitting on his desk and spun it. “ _Special things I’ve compiled, each one there to make you smile...on a rainy day_.” Jim set down the globe, opened the window, and led Spock outside onto the fire escape. “ _They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy_ ,” Jim sang as they climbed to the rooftop. “ _They can say, they can say we’ve lost our minds. I don’t care, I don’t care if they call us crazy. We can live in a world that we design!_ ”

The two men emerged on the roof, where the stars were beginning to come out. They glittered overhead in a spectacular array. Jim swept his arm across the sky. “‘ _Cause every night, I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keepin’ me awake. I think of what the world could be. A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it’s gonna take...and a million dreams for the world we’re gonna make_.“

" _However big, however small, let me be part of it all_ ," Spock broke in unexpectedly. He smiled shyly at Jim. " _Share your dreams with me. You may be right, you may be wrong. But say that you'll bring me along...to the world you see_."

" _To the world I close my eyes to see_ ," Jim chorused with him. " _I close my eyes to see!_ "

" _'Cause every night I lie in bed_ ," Jim softly sang, " _the brightest colors fill my head_."

" _A million dreams are keepin' me awake_ ," Spock added.

" _A million dreams, a million dreams!_ "

" _I_ _think of what the world could_ _be_ ," they sang together, grabbing each other's hands and twirling in an elegant circle. " _A vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it’s gonna take...a million dreams for the world we’re gonna make!"_ Jim and Spock slowed to a halt, their bodies very close. _“And a million dreams for the world we're gonna make,"_ they sang gently.

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, then Spock let go of Jim's hands.

"I apologize. It is late. I must go."

"You're right," said Jim with a nervous smile. "You should get a good night's rest for tomorrow."

Spock nodded. He turned to leave, then looked back over his shoulder. "Good night, Jim."

"Good night, Spock."

After Spock’s back disappeared down the fire escape, Jim sighed longingly. He was soooo in trouble.


	7. My Hands Are Tied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve haven’t updated this lately. Life...depression...you know how it is.
> 
> More racism, but not like...violent racism. Just snobbery. Also the word "queer", but not as a slur. Also, Trelane from "The Squire of Gothos" and Rayna the robot girl make an appearance!
> 
> Just for the record, $1000 in 1900 was about $27,000 in today's money. Nothing to sneeze at.

The party had been Bones’s idea. Now that they were raking in some decent money, Bones wanted to intice the upper crust to invest in the circus by inviting them to a gala event.

”This is San Fran—it’s the hottest arts scene right now! And the hoity toity high society loves us. We’re causing a scandal and they feed off us to add excitement to their dull lives.”

”Alright, we can throw the party,” Jim sighed. “But the others have to be invited too.”

”The oth- you mean, our performers?”

”Our _friends_ , yes.”

”Jim,” sighed Bones. “You know I love those guys, but...they’d be really, you know...out of place there. Especially Uhura, and Sulu. And Spock! Can you even imagine him in a social setting? He wouldn’t be able to wear his cap, you know.”

”Spock can make that decision for himself,” Jim argued. “As can the rest.”

Bones sighed again. “Alright! But they have to have proper attire. This is gonna be a white tie affair.”

”Fine. I’ll tell them.”

* * *

The gang’s reactions were mixed.

”A party! Zat sounds  _zamechatel'no_!” Chekov said excitedly. “Vill zere be champagne? Champagne waz owiginally a Russian drink, you know, before ze French took credit for it.”

”Eh.” Scotty shrugged. “As long as they’ve got some decent spirits, I’m in.”

”I’ve always wanted to go to a fancy party,” said Uhura dreamily. “Dress up in a fancy gown and dance the night away.”

”I think it’ll be a lot of fun,” Sulu agreed. “I think I can even get us some evening wear from the costume shop in the theatre where I used to work.”

“I...I think I will have to decline,” Spock said quietly, arms folded.

”Spock, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But if it’s because you feel unwelcome, it’s not true,” Jim said. “Everyone who comes to our shows loves you.”

”Yes, because I am performing. Interpersonal interaction is another matter entirely.”

”Aye, don’t ye worry your pointy ears abo’ those highfalootin’ pinchnoses, Spock ol’ boy,” said Scotty cordially. “We’ll be there to give ‘em what fer if they give ye any guff.”

”Yes, Spock,” Uhura agreed fervently. “We’re all here for you.”

”The seven musketeers!” Sulu interjected.

Jim touched Spock’s shoulder gently. “Please?” he entreated.

Spock was unable to deny those hazel eyes. He conceded. “Alright. I will come.”

The others cheered.

”Wonderful!” Jim said. “Now, I believe you all have a show to get ready for?”

* * *

The party was held in a fancy ballroom just down the street from the circus (the rental cost of the hall alone had Jim sweating under the collar of his tuxedo). Bones had invited all the upper echelon of San Francisco, and it seemed like most, if not all, had shown up. Bones and Jim worked the room, sweet talking potential donors and bribing them with champagne and hors d'oeuvres--people are more likely to share their money when they're fed and tipsy.

The other five, however, were a bit less lucky in mingling. Not many ventured to speak to the circus performers. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, and Spock hung together, cautious of the guests, and the guests seemed fine with keeping their distance.

Then finally, one particularly eccentric fellow, a man in a peacock blue suit with gold embroidery (the suit appeared to be styled after that of a French naval officer from the 1700s, perhaps Napoleon) strode toward Uhura and kissed her hand. "My dear lady," he said in a supercilious tone. "I have heard many a wonderous tale of your angelic vocal chords. Your praises have been sung by all my friends that have attended your little show. The Siren of San Francisco, is it?"

"That's right!" said Jim, who had been eavesdropping nearby. He put a hand on Uhura's shoulder cordially. "Miss Uhura's our shining star." Jim smiled at Uhura, who smiled back bashfully. The circus gang was well on a first-name basis with each other by now, but for politeness's sake, referred to each other formally tonight.

"Oh, huzzah!" said the man in blue. "I simply must hear you sing. Perhaps a heartstring-plucking ballad? Or an operatic aria?"

"Oh, I don't know," said Uhura, looking at the ground.

"I implore you, dear lady, grace my ears with your sweet melodies!"

"Would you like to?" Jim asked Uhura. "I'm sure everyone would love to hear you sing."

Uhura hesitated, then smiled. "Well, alright."

After Jim had a word with the band, Uhura stood before the entire room. She certainly looked the part of an angel, the satin of her ivory dress and elbow length gloves (compliments of Sulu) gleaming under the ballroom's bright lights. She obliged them all with a rendition of "Never Enough", which had become her signature song. The room burst into stunned applause after she was done. "Such raw talent," sighed a woman to her husband. "You know it all got passed down from their ancestors from working in the fields."

Jim frowned at them out of the corner of his eyes, but kept on clapping.

" _Brava, bravissima!_ " cried the man in blue as Uhura took a bow. He turned to Jim. "I can see the gossip wasn't hyperbolized in the least! I shall donate a thousand dollars at once! To whom should I make out my cheque?"

Jim was bowled over. "Ah...you should speak to my business partner about that. But thank you. Thank you so much, sir!" He grinned and pumped the man's hand up and down.

* * *

After Uhura's song, people seemed more willing to actually speak to the performers--even Spock.

"Where did you learn your craft?"

"I taught myself, sir, starting from when I was a young child."

"Have you ever fallen? Injured yourself?"

"Yes. When I was young and inexperienced."

"Don't you ever feel afraid up there?"

"Indeed. But I have long since mastered my fear by keeping a clear mind when I work."

"May I touch your ears?"

"I would prefer you didn't."

Jim chuckled, overhearing that. Then he felt someone touch his arm. He turned and found a lovely young lady with long blonde hair at his elbow. "Hello, Mister Kirk," she said, curtseying. "I am Rayna Kapec. Would you care to dance with me?"

Jim smiled. "I'd be honored, Miss Kapec." He took her hand and led her out among the waltzing couples, then they began to move to the music. As they circled, Jim caught sight of Spock over Miss Kapec's shoulder, staring at him with hurt in his brown eyes.

Jim frowned imperceptibly, his gut wriggling with guilt.

* * *

Scotty, as he stood beside Uhura, pulled nervously at his shirt collar. "Ah, Miss Uhura...would you mind...that is, to say...would you do me the honor-"

Uhura broke into a smile. "I'd be delighted to dance with you, Mister Scott."

Scotty sighed with relief. "Oh good." They walked out on the dance floor together, and were just taking each other's hands, when suddenly they heard hisses. The two looked up to see two expensively dressed men hurrying toward him.

"What is this libertine display?" said one of the men, aghast.

Uhura and Scotty tensed.

"This is most indecent!" said the other. "If this is the sort of lawless behavior your _circus_ partakes in, I want no part-"

"Excuse me, what's going here?" Bones, sensing the disruption, had made his way over to sooth tempers.

"Dr. McCoy, the good people here have tolerated the presence of... _certain persons_ ," said the first man in a loud whisper, as if Uhura was both deaf and stupid and didn't know it was she who was being referred to. "But _this_..." He waved a hand at Uhura and Scotty in disgust. " _Debauchery_ is too much!"

"We were only dancin'!" Scotty spat, turning red.

Bones sighed. He didn't personally see anything wrong with what was going on between Scotty and Uhura, but they had to appease these highbrows if they were to convince them to give them money. "I'm terribly sorry," he apologized flatly. "Mr. Scott, Miss Uhura, this really isn't the place for-"

"Oh, don't worry, Dr. McCoy," said Uhura with a grim smile. Her voice was dripping with condescension. "I understand _completely_. I'm allowed to provide the music, but I can't enjoy it with my friend. I beg your forgiveness, sirs." She lowered herself into a sarcastic curtsey. "If you'll excuse me." She whirled on her heel and hurried away, disappearing into the party.

The second man sniffed imperiously. "Such rudeness. Their kind is losing all sense of decency with each passing year, you know."

"Well, _some_ obviously never had any to begin with," Scotty growled, then he hurried off after Uhura.

* * *

The song ended and Jim and Rayna bowed to each other. “Thank you, Mister Kirk,” she said with a comely smile as she walked away.

Jim smiled politely back, then quickly looked around for Spock. He caught sight of dark hair and pointy ears disappearing out the back door. Jim hurried through the throng of people after him.

When Jim finally found the acrobat, he discovered him in the circus. He’d shed his borrowed tuxedo and was wearing nothing but athletic shorts. Jim stared at his naked back, admiring his shoulders and slim waist. Spock was unfurling his swinging ropes, clearly getting ready to practice his routine. “All work and no play, Mister Spock?” Jim asked teasingly.

Spock didn’t look at him. “Forgive me, Mister Kirk, but I found the party not to my liking,” he unemotionally replied.

Jim’s shoulders slumped at his formal address. “Spock. Talk to me, please. Is this because I danced with that girl? I was only being polite. It’s not like I had...feelings for her.”

“It wouldn’t concern me if you did,” Spock said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Jim sighed. It was now or never, he supposed.

”Yes it would,” he said. “Because there’s something between us, Spock. And you know it."

Spock finally turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “Something queer?” he challenged.

Jim nodded slowly. “Yes.”

There. It was out in the open. They couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Spock exhaled nervously, looked down at his feet. "This is dangerous, Jim."

"I know that. But I'm not afraid," Jim said. "I think this...us... _you_ are worth the risk."

“Look at how Montgomery and Nyota were treated just for dancing together. Imagine how people would react to _us_ if they found out-”

“I can keep a secret, Spock, believe me. Even though I’d like nothing more than to shout my feelings for you from the rooftops.”

Spock achingly shut his eyes and shook his head. “I see women, the way they look at you...the way you look at them. You couldn’t possibly want to give all that up.”

“It’s not giving up anything,” Jim said earnestly. “Yeah, I find women attractive. I find men attractive too. I'm not ashamed of that. More importantly, I'm attracted to _you_. I have been since the first time I laid eyes on you." Jim exhaled shakily. "You were so beautiful and majestic on that trapeze...it was like time stopped, in that moment, just for us. And then we became friends and...Spock, I couldn’t even _imagine_ being with anyone else.”

“Jim, I’m already an outcast. I can’t make you one too,” Spock said softly. He turned away, winding the rope in his hands.

Jim stared at his back sadly for a moment. “ _You know I want you_ ,” he sang. “ _It's not a secret I’ve tried to hide. I know you want me. So don't keep sayin’ our hands are tied_.” Jim grasped Spock’s hand as the acrobat stepped into the middle of the ring. “ _You claim it's not in the cards, and fate is pullin’ you miles away and out of reach from me. But you're here in my heart, so who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiny?_ ”

Spock tried to pull away, but Jim held onto his hand and twirled him around instead, pulling their hips together. Spock blushed as they began to dance. “ _What if we rewrite the stars?_ ” Jim tenderly sang. “ _Say you were made to be mine. Nothing could keep us apart. You'd be the one I was meant to find. It's up to you, and it's up to me. No one can say what we get to be. So why don't we rewrite the stars? Maybe the world could be ours...tonight._ ”  
  
Jim leaned up toward Spock’s mouth, but suddenly Spock was yanked upward by the rope he was holding onto, out of Jim’s grasp. Jim was taken aback for a moment, then looked up. Spock was slowly descending from the ceiling, his arms wrapped around his metal aerial hoop, his feet dangling below him.

“ _You think it's easy?_ ” Spock responded longingly. “ _You think I don't want to run to you? But there are mountains...and there are doors that we can't walk through._ ”

Jim grabbed Spock’s hoop as it came within reach and pulled it close. Spock sat inside the hoop and leaned out, stretching his lithe body like a cat, the hoop spinning him around. “ _I know you're wondering why, because we're able to be just you and me within these walls, but when we go outside, you're gonna wake up and see that it was hopeless after all..._ ”

The hoop rose back toward the ceiling again. Jim held on with one hand, and he was pulled off the ground. He held on a few seconds, and then let go and landed back down to the ground.

Spock swung over to the balcony and began to walk across it. He grabbed another rope and flew across the room. “ _No one can rewrite the stars. How can you say you'll be mine? Everything keeps us apart, and I'm not the one you were meant to find. It's not up to you, it's not up to me. When everyone tells us what we can be, how can we rewrite the stars? Say that the world can be ours...tonight?_ ”

Jim caught Spock, and they flew up the rope together, holding on to each other for dear life as they spun around and around. “ _All I want is to fly with you_. _All I want is to fall with you_. _So just give me all of you_...”

Jim dropped to the ground, grabbed the other end of the rope, and yanked hard on it, lifting Spock up in the air. The sudden tension made Spock swing in a wide circle around the room. “ _How do we rewrite the stars?_ ” they sang to each other. “ _Say you were made to be mine? Nothing can keep us apart. ‘Cause you are the one I was meant to find! It's up to you, and it's up to me. No one can say what we get to be! Why don't we rewrite the stars? Changin’ the world to be ours..._ ”

Spock slowly spiraled to the ground as Jim feed his rope slack. When he came back down, Jim caught him, steadying him. They stood there in each other’s arms, hearts pounding and faces very close. Both of them ached to close the gap and meet in a passionate kiss, but neither of them dared.

“ _You know I want you_ ,” Spock softly sang. “ _It's not a secret I’ve tried to hide. But I can't have you. We're bound to break and my hands...are tied._ ”

He turned away and walked out, leaving Jim alone in the center of the ring.


	8. How Far We Could Fall

Things quickly went downhill after that night.

Jim, Spock, Uhura, and Scotty were all clearly nursing heartaches. This brought down the morales of everyone, even Chekov and Sulu, who usually had fairly sunny dispositions. And as any performer will tell you, low morale means low energy when it comes to a show. The circus just didn't have that spark anymore. Their nightly performances stopped selling out.

Jim and Spock weren't even speaking, apart from ancillary circus business. It seemed too painful for them to even look at each other. No one could figure out why the two men who'd previously been thick as thieves had suddenly put these walls up.

Except one person.

"Hi, Jim," said Sulu one evening as the circus manager passed by him. Sulu was cleaning his sword before their show that day.

Jim smiled at him. "Hey, Hikaru. Great work last night."

"Thanks. You know, I've been thinking about trying a routine where instead of slicing up fruit with a sword, I smash them with a big mallet. Just to switch things up. What do you think? Would anyone laugh at that?"

Jim shrugged. "Couldn't hurt to try. God knows we could use some freshness around here."

Sulu put aside his sword and stood up. He patted Jim's shoulder. "Jim. I'd like to tell you something, because we're friends. And I think you're a kindred spirit. I think you and Spock should put aside whatever's happened. Because you two are absolutely perfect together."

Jim looked at his feet. "Well, we are pretty good friends."

Sulu shook his head. "That's not what I mean."

Jim looked up, eyes widening with fear.

"Don't worry," said Sulu quickly with a calming smile. "I wouldn't tell a soul. Like I said...kindred spirit." He winked.

"You mean... _you're_ a-"

Sulu nodded. "I'm a." He sat back down and resumed his polishing. "Me and my...Ben. We've been together for almost six years. We met in the theatre--he makes the costumes. That's how I got the clothes for the party for everyone. He's everything to me. Just like I can see that Spock is everything to you."

"Does anyone else know?" Jim asked, worrying.

Sulu shook his head. "I don't think so. But even if they did, they would be understanding about it. Everyone's supportive of Scotty and Nyota, after all. We're your friends, Jim. We're...family. And we all just want you two to be happy. So that's why you and Spock need to work through whatever it is that's keeping you two apart."

"He's...scared," Jim said. "And so am I, to be perfectly honest. But I want to be with him. God, I want that more than _anything_."

Sulu nodded wisely. "Ben and I felt the same way at first. But you should follow your heart, Jim. It won't lead you astray."

Jim nodded. He smiled sadly. "Thank you, Hikaru."

* * *

That night, Uhura and Spock debuted a new act of their own. Uhura walked onto the stage, and sweet music began to play. " _Some people long for a life that is simple and planned...tied with a ribbon_ ," Uhura sang in a gentle, melancholy voice. " _Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land...to follow what's written. But I'd follow you to the great unknown. Off to a world we call our own..._ " Out of the corner of her eyes, she peeked at Scotty, who was watching raptly from backstage. " _Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go..we're walkin' a tightrope_ ," she continued to sing. " _High in the sky, we can see the whole world down below...we're walkin' a tightrope. Never sure, never know how far we could fall. But it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtakin' view...walking the tightrope...with you._ "

A second spotlight came up, high above Uhura, on Spock, who was getting onto none other than a tightrope. Jim, who was standing on the other side of the stage, watched, his breath catching in his throat as Spock carefully stepped onto the cord.

" _Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between_ ," Uhura began the second verse. " _Desert and ocean. You pulled me in, and together we're lost in a dream...always in motion. So I risk it all, just to be with you. And I risk it all for this life...we...choose. Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go! We're walkin' a tightrope. High in the sky, we can see the whole world down below! We're walkin' a tightrope..._ " The music swelled dramatically. " _Never sure...will you catch me if I should **fall**?_ "

On the word "fall", Spock, halfway across the rope, slipped and plummeted to the ground. The crowd gasped. Jim's heart stopped beating in his chest, and he clutched the nearest thing tightly in his hand.

Then suddenly, Sulu and Chekov appeared underneath him, easily catching him before he hit the ground. Jim exhaled raggedly as relief washed over him. It had all been a part of the act. Of course.

" _Well, it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view_ ," Uhura softly sang. " _Walkin' a tightrope...with you. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooooooh, with you..._ "

Spock passed him as he exited the ring. The two men did not look at each other. But just as Spock passed him, Jim felt Spock deliberately brush their fingers together, ever so slightly, just for an instant. Jim swallowed, his eyes widening with realization.

Jim had thought the song was from Uhura, for Scotty. But it was for him too. From Spock.

It was Spock's way of saying  _I love you_.

Jim looked over his shoulder longingly at the retreating acrobat. Spock had been wrong. He _did_ fall...he had fallen for Jim.

" _...oh, ooh-ooooh...with you_ ," Uhura concluded somberly.

The audience applauded with gusto. But their clapping was met with raucous yelling and crude words. The protestors, realizing they were being ignored outside, had begun to buy tickets so they could disrupt the performances. It was partly their fault that their business was starting to leave. Uhura's bottom lip trembled as the horrid men hollered hateful slurs at her. But, remaining strong, she bowed to those who appreciated her work, then walked off the stage.

Jim was appalled. “There are _children_ out there,” he said as he made his way to the other side of the stage. Chekov was now onstage with Pyatno doing their bit. “How can those bastards spew that garbage in front of them?”

”You jest ignore ‘em, Nyota,” said Scotty, clasping her shoulder. “If those dogs cannae appreciate-“ Suddenly Scotty began to cough.

”Monty?” Uhura said, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

But Scotty just kept coughing. He had become very pale. He coughed and coughed until finally he keeled over. He landed on the ground, unconscious.

”Monty!” Uhura gasped, falling to her knees beside him.

Bones knelt down as well, feeling Scotty’s head and neck. “He’s burning up with fever!” the doctor announced. “We need to get him to the sickhouse pronto!”

”Bones, go with him. Take Nyota and Hikaru,” said Jim. “I’ll close the show once Pavel is done.”

”I’ll get a carriage,” Sulu said, rushing off.

* * *

Half an hour later or so, Jim, Chekov, and Spock joined the others at the hospital. Uhura was sitting beside a sleeping Scotty, pressing cold compresses to his skin, and Sulu was sitting nearby. “How is he?” Jim asked.

Uhura shook her head. “He’s got a temperature of 105, and Bones said something about the Black Plague...he couldn’t really have that, could he?”

”I’m sure he doesn’t,” Jim said quellingly, even he knew that was very much a possibility. “He’ll pull through. He’s our Marvelous Montgomery—he has to.”

Uhura nodded somberly, starring down at Scotty with glassy eyes.

”Where’s Bones now?” Jim asked.

”Oh...I don’t know. He left after Scotty got checked in.”

”He...he left?”

That wasn’t like Bones at all. Even if he was no longer a practicing doctor, he would never leave the bedside of an ailing person, especially if they were his friend.

Jim looked at Spock. “Where could he be?”

* * *

Bones shoved the last of his possessions into his steamer trunk. “I’m sorry, Jim,” he muttered to himself. “But it’s too much. I can’t do it anymore. Not without having a nervous breakdown. The circus is sinking, and I’m abandoning ship before it’s too late.”

He lugged his case downstairs to where his handsom cab was waiting. “To the train station, sonny,” Bones said as he climbed inside the carriage. “It’s home to Georgia for me.”


	9. Just Give Me All Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sexual content, racism/homophobia, and slight animal abuse ahead.

Jim felt as though everything was crumbling beneath his feet. Bones's sudden departure left Jim with all the big business decisions, as well as directing the shows. Scotty was bedridden and they had no idea if he would make it. Uhura had insisted on staying by his side and taking care of him, and of course Jim let her go, understanding completely. Unfortunately, this meant two of their acts, one of which drew in the biggest crowds, were out of commission. Spock, Sulu, and Chekov could only pick up so much slack. Jim was forced to cut the shows in half, and sell tickets at a reduced price. But Jim knew their show couldn't last forever. The circus was failing fast.

And of course, the protestors weren't relenting. If anything, they were getting _worse_. The performers could barely make it through an act without being drowned out by loud jeers and insults. One night someone even threw a rotten tomato at Spock as he was taking his bow. It splattered all over his chest, the juice leaving a big ugly blotch on the front of his leotard.

"Get out, freak!"

"We don't want your kind here!"

Spock just took a deep breath and walked off the stage.

Jim was seething. "Those bastards!" he exclaimed as he handed Spock a towel to wipe the tomato pulp off with.

"Just ignore it, Jim," said Spock hollowly.

"I can't, Spock! They're _literally_ throwing garbage at you! And they're driving away customers! If we don't do something-" Jim cut himself off. He choked.

Spock studied him. He realized Jim was almost in tears. He was at his wit's end without half his performers and his business partner.

Jim huffed in a breath, getting ahold of himself. "I gotta go close the show." He jammed his top hat onto his head and strode out into the ring, met with the sounds of more boos.

Spock watched after him, his heart breaking for the man. Jim was so good, so kind and ebullient. He deserved so much better than this. He deserved happiness.

* * *

The day after, Jim sat by himself at the kitchen table of his apartment, frantically going over the books. He’d been up most of the night, too anxious to sleep. There had to be a way to bring in more business. Jim had tried bringing in new acts, but no one wanted to touch them with a ten foot pole. Sponsors weren't sending money anymore. Pretty soon, the bank was going to take back their building. Jim took in a stuttering breath, willing himself not to have a complete breakdown. There had to be a way. Jim didn't believe in no-win scenarios.

Suddenly he heard a gentle knock on the door. He got up to answer it and found Spock standing there with a large pot in his hands.

"Spock? What are you doing here?" Jim said. "Not that I'm not happy to see you.”

"I wondered if you had had lunch yet," Spock said as he came inside.

At that moment, Jim's stomach gurgled. "Ah, no, actually," he laughed self-consciously. "I've been so busy, I sort of forgot to eat."

"That is unacceptable." Spock set his pot on the counter in the kitchen. "I have made a pot of my mother's vegetable soup. There is no meat in it, because my father and I are vegetarians, but it is warm and hearty. It will fortify you efficiently enough."

Jim smiled slowly. A warm feeling was growing his chest. "You made soup for me?"

"For us," Spock corrected as he pulled two bowls from Jim's cupboard. "I have noticed that you have been limiting your food intake and amount of sleep this past week. You must maintain your health, Jim."

Jim took Spock by surprise by coming up behind him as he was ladling out the soup and hugging him from behind. "You are the sweetest thing," Jim murmured, burying his face in Spock's shoulder muscles.

Spock froze in Jim's embrace, heat blossoming in his cheeks.

Jim let him go after a moment. "Sorry," he said. "I should've asked before I did that."

Spock looked at him shyly over his shoulder. "You have my indefinite consent."

Jim smiled.

The two men sat down at the table and began to eat. Jim's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. I didn't expect soup to be so satisfying without meat. But this is really good!"

"Thank you," said Spock. "My mother was quite creative in inventing herbivoric meals. This was my favorite dish when it was cold outside or when I was ill or upset."

Jim smiled wistfully. "My comfort food when I was little was my mother's cornbread. It smelled so good, it made your mouth water. I wish I had gotten the recipe before she died. No other cornbread I've eaten has ever compared."

Spock stared at him with softened eyes. "Life has been more strenuous on you than you deserve."

Jim nodded. "I could say the same to you." He looked down into his soup and sighed. "I wish I could fix everything. For me, for you, for our friends. I feel like I'm letting everyone down."

"Jim, that is not true," Spock insisted. "You have given us all everything you can. That is more than we could ask."

Jim shook his head miserably. "But it's not enough. I'm the captain of a sinking ship. The circus is going to fall apart sooner or later. I can't keep it together. I can't do this, I can't-" He gasped and stood up, covering his face, breathing frantically.

Spock got up too, and without question, wrapped his arms around Jim comfortingly. Jim finally broke and openly sobbed on his shoulder; he’d worked so hard, he was letting everyone down, he was letting _himself_ down, and he was so _tired_...

Spock stroked his hair and face, attempting to soothe him. He coaxed Jim’s face upward and brushed his lips over the other man’s temples and cheekbones. Jim hiccupped and leaned his forehead against Spock’s, chest heaving as gasped in air.

...and then their noses were sliding together as their lips finally met.

Jim’s eyelids fluttered shut as Spock kissed him, and he fell still and silent, feeling centered for the first time in days. He whimpered and laid a hand on the back of Spock’s neck to keep him there. _Don’t run away again. I need you._

Just as Jim lifted Spock up toward the stars, Spock kept Jim tied to the Earth.

Spock seemed to understand. His arms held Jim securely. Jim had once said that if Spock fell and he wasn’t there to catch him, it would break his heart. Now it seemed like Spock was there to break his fall. The acrobat’s arms felt safer than any safety net ever could. Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck, never wanting to let him go.

”I love you,” he whispered, sniffling.

”I love you too, my James,” Spock replied.

Jim realized he loved the sound of his name on Spock’s breath. He had never thought “James” was a particularly interesting name—he knew at least three other fellows with the same—but Spock made it sound like sweet music.

They kissed again, until they were breathless, and then some. Hands began to rove to less polite places, hearts beat faster and blood rushed more quickly through their veins...and then Jim was gently tugging Spock into his bedroom. Jim lay back on his modest mattress, pulling the taller man on top of him, soup completely forgotten.

”Jim,” Spock whispered roughly. “I am thoroughly unexperienced. I think I might disappoint you...”

Jim smiled, so endeared with this man with funny ears and beautiful brown eyes. “Not a problem, Mister Spock. It’s not as difficult as you think.” His hand drifted down to undo the other man’s fly and slide his hand inside. He wrapped his hand around what he found there and stroked slowly. Spock moaned, his eyes falling shut in ecstasy. “It’s just like how you’d touch yourself,” Jim added helpfully.

After some shifting and removal of clothes, the two men were bringing each other off with their hands, gasping and quietly groaning each other’s names. They climaxed simultaneously and fell into each other as they shivered through their pleasure. Then they continued to hold each other close.

”You are exhausted, Jim,” said Spock hoarsely. “You should sleep.”

Jim was unable to argue with that. Feeling sated and drowsy, he tugged the cotton blanket over the both of them. “Stay, will you?” he asked.

”Yes, if you wish it.” Spock pecked his cheek. “I do not wish to be anywhere but here.”

Jim smiled and tapped his fingertips lightly on Spock’s bicep. “ _He floats through the air with the greatest of ease_ ,” he sleepily crooned, “ _the daring young man on the flying trapeze. His actions are graceful, all girls he does please. And my heart he has stolen away._ ”

Spock’s lips curved into a smile. After that Jim fell peacefully asleep.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Uhura sat anxiously next to Scotty. His fever had lessened, but he still hadn’t come out of his delirium. He was constantly mumbling in his sleep. He said Uhura’s name a lot.

”Nyota,” sighed Scotty again.

”I’m here, darlin’,” Uhura said, stroking his cheek. “You have to wake up. Please.” She squeezed his hand in her other one and shut her eyes, praying fervently.

”What have they given him?”

Uhura’s eyes snapped open. To her shock, she found Bones standing behind her. “What are you doing here?!” she hissed. “I thought you ran off.”

”I _did_ ,” Bones sighed. “I got as far as Albuquerque. But my conscience got to me. I couldn’t just leave y’all to hang.”

”You oughta be ashamed of yourself,” Uhura said, standing and puffing herself up to her full height of 5’5. “You abandoned poor Jim when he needed you, and you left Monty to die!”

”I know, but I came back to help!” Bones replied. “Did the doctor find any large bumps on his body?”

”No,” replied Uhura, mystified.

”Then good news: it probably ain’t the Black Plague,” said Bones, taking Uhura’s place beside Scotty. “What are his other symptoms?”

“Er...fever. And chills. He shivers a lot.”

Bones carefully pulled up one of Scotty’s eyelids. ”Look at the whites of his eyes, Nyota. They’re turning yellow. I’d bet all the peaches in Georgia he’s got malaria.”

”What can we do?” Uhura said.

”Get the doc in here. Tell him this man needs a hit of quinine. And hurry!”

Uhura rushed off. Bones patted the sleeping Scotty on the shoulder. “Don’t you worry, Bagpipes. Nobody’s dyin’ on my watch.”

* * *

As Jim got some well deserved rest in Spock’s arms, and Bones and Uhura worked furiously to nurse Scotty back to health; Sulu, Chekov, and Pyatno let themselves into the circus to get ready for the show, an hour or so before sundown.

”I was thinking I’d get my...friend Ben to join my act,” Sulu was telling Chekov. “We could do a musketeer bit.”

”But zere are only two of you,” Chekov pointed out. “Zere vere zhree Musketeers. Who vould be ze zhird?”

Pyatno yipped, wagging his tail.

”Do you want to be a Musketeer, Spot?” Sulu asked with a chuckle.

”You know, Alexandre Dumas vas Russian.”

”Pavel, he was a black Frenchman.”

”’Ey! You boys!”

Sulu and Chekov’s stomachs clenched nervously as they turned around to see a few men from the protest group approaching them. Pyatno growled at them.

Sulu cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, gentleman, but the circus isn’t open yet. I have to ask you to leave.”

”Don’t you tell us what to do, Chinaman,” growled the one at the forefront. He seemed to be the leader. “We’re here to tell you freaks to take your spooks and your little rope swingin’ fairy boys and hit the road.”

”Ve are not going anyvhere!” Chekov exclaimed defiantly. “ _Potselui mou zhopy, suka!_ ”

”Pavel,” muttered Sulu warily.

”Why you little bastard-“ The man grabbed Chekov by the front of his shirt.

At that moment, little Pyatno, enraged at the man threatening his beloved master, rushed at him snarling, and clamped his little canine jaws around the man’s leg, sinking in his tiny sharp teeth.

The man yelled out in surprise and kicked the dog away. Pyatno whined loudly.

” _Prishju!_ ” Chekov yelled angrily, punching the man in the jaw. And the fight was on.

Chekov and Sulu got pretty roughed up. It was lucky that Sulu was a trained bare-knuckle brawler. Chekov had no finesse, but seemed to be powered purely by his fury at his dog being hurt.

One of the men hurled a lantern at Sulu’s head. Sulu ducked just in time, but it crashed against a pillar and landed in a mound of straw. The hay caught fire immediately.

The leader of the gang swore, and the protesters high-tailed it out of there.

”Pavel, get some water!” Sulu exclaimed.

”Vhere?!” Chekov exclaimed.

”I don’t know!” yelled Sulu as he rushed to find a blanket, _something_ to smother the fire with.

Pyatno whined nervously.

The fire was spreading fast over the floor because the hay worked like kindling. Plus one of Spock’s ropes hanging on the pillar had caught as well, and now the fire was rapidly licking its way up toward the ceiling.

It seemed like everything was finally, and literally, going up in smoke.


	10. It’s Everything You Ever Need

Uhura let out a relieved sigh. “His fever’s breaking.” She combed Scotty’s dark hair off of his sweating forehead.

”Yep. Just as thought. Slight case of malaria,” Bones said, clearly satisfied with his work. “You know...I’ve plum forgotten why I ever gave up doctorin’. I’m damn good at it. Hell, sometimes I think I could even cure a rainy day!”

Uhura smiled tiredly at him. “Thank you, Leonard. I’m really glad you came back.”

Suddenly they heard loud clanging bells from outside. “Fire,” Bones said, getting up from his stool. “I better get out there. Someone might be hurt.”

”Go,” nodded Uhura. “I can watch him.”

Bones nodded, then hurried out.

* * *

“Jim. Wake up.”

Jim was reluctantly pulled out of a heavy sleep by the sound of Spock’s urgent voice. “Wha’ izzit?” he mumbled.

”Jim, there is a fire alarm outside.”

Jim’s ears indeed picked up the distant sound of emergency bells. “Must be close by,” he said wonderingly.

There was a loud, banging knock on the door. Jim and Spock jumped at the sound. They scrambled out of bed, trying to appear as through they had not just been sleeping together. Luckily they were both still mostly clothed. Jim went to answer the door.

”Mister Kirk, Mister Kirk!” said the young boy on his doorstep. He was panting, out of breath. “Come quickly, sir! It’s the circus!”

A cold feeling of terror gripped Jim’s heart. He looked across the room where Spock was standing out of sight from the boy, and he could tell Spock felt the same panic he did.

Jim looked back at the boy. ”Alright, son, I’ll be right there.”

The boy ran off. With only a brief, fearful glance, Spock and Jim jammed on their shoes, threw on their coats, and tore for the circus.

* * *

The orange flames starkly contrasted with the dark blue sky. Jim skidded to halt and stared in horror at his beloved circus burning to a crisp. He felt Spock brush his hand, inconspicuously conveying his own concern. The crowd around them was loud with shock, children crying, men shouting for more water, but Jim couldn’t hear a damn thing besides the crackle of the blaze and the pounding of his own heart in his ears.

Then there were footfalls on his other side. ”How the hell did this happen?!” exclaimed a familiar Southern drawl.

Jim twisted his head in surprise. “I thought you’d gone!” he said to Bones.

”Hate me later, Jim.” Bones thrust some empty buckets at him and Spock. “We gotta get this put out!” The three men filled them up and began sloshing at the fire with the rest of the menfolk fervently.

”Jim! Jim!” Sulu came hurrying up to them. He was panting and smudged with soot. “It’s Pavel! He’s still in there! He was trying to find Pyatno.”

“I’ll get him!” Bones doused his handkerchief with water, then pressed it to his nose and mouth and charged into the blaze.

”Bones, no!” Jim shrieked after him, but it was too late. All they could do was watch for their friends to re-emerge anxiously.

”Stand back, everyone! The roof’s cavin’ in!” shouted a fireman. Sure enough, the entire structure cracked menacingly, about to collapse.

”Bones, get outta there!” Jim yelled frantically.

Spock yanked him backwards, and they watched helplessly as the supports finally crumbled. The crowd screamed as the roof came crashing in on itself.

”No,” Jim said, beginning to weep for his old friend.

”Jim, look!” breathed Spock.

Jim looked up to see two figures staggering out of the blaze. A weary and ash-covered Chekov was being helped out by an equally disheveled Bones. Jim gasped, relieved, and rushed forward to help them both.

”We just barely made it,” wheezed Bones.

”Thank God,” Jim added.

Chekov coughed weakly. “Wh-where’s my dog? Pyatno!”

”Arf, arf!” A flash of soot-stained, spotted fur rushed up and jumped on Chekov’s leg.

”Pyatno!” Chekov exclaimed happily, picking up the small mutt. Pyatno wagged his tail joyously and licked Chekov’s face.

”Come on, sprocket,” said Bones, wrapping his arm around Chekov. “Let’s get you some water.”

* * *

They finally got the fire put out. Jim stared despondently at the charred, smoking pile that had once been his livelihood.

Spock’s hand covered his shoulder comfortingly. Jim closed his eyes, and clasped his lover’s hand. He sighed heavily.

They made their way to the hospital. When they got there, Sulu and another man were waiting in the front room for them. Jim noticed that they were sitting closer together than most friends would. This must be Ben, he concluded.

Sulu and Ben stood up as Jim and Spock approached them. “Hikaru, you alright?” Jim asked.

”I’m fine. I got out before I took in too much smoke,” Sulu replied. He gestured to his companion. “This is Benjamin Tanaka.”

Ben nodded. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kirk, Mr. Spock. I’m so sorry about the circus.”

Jim nodded miserably. “I’m just glad everyone’s alive. How is Pavel?”

”Bones said he should be fine. He went to sleep, but he was very tired. They put him up with Scotty. Bones and Uhura are with them both.”

”I want to see them all,” said Jim. The four men made to head that way, but they were intercepted by a nurse. “Hold on. Where are you going?” she asked.

”To see Pavel Chekov and Montgomery Scott. They’re in the same room, and Doctor Leonard McCoy is looking after them.”

”I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait to see your friends,” said the nurse. “It’s well past visiting hours.”

“We’re not friends,” said Jim. “We’re family.”

The nurse looked at Sulu and Ben doubtfully.

”Please,” Jim added quietly.

The nurse exhaled. “Alright. But I can’t let in all of you.”

”I’ll stay,” said Ben. He squeezed Sulu’s shoulder. “I’ll wait right here for you.”

”Thanks,” said Sulu, looking at Ben the same loving way that Jim felt for Spock.

The nurse led them to the room. Chekov was lying in the bed beside Scotty’s, and Jim was delighted to see that Scotty was awake and looking ever so much better. ”Our resident doctor here sussed out what was wrong with me lickity split,” said the Scotsman jovially. “O’ course, I wouldn’ta recovered nearly as fast if it weren’t fer the tender love n’ care o’ this angelic creature.” He smiled sappily at Uhura.

”Oh, Monty, you sweet thing.” And then Uhura leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. The others shared approving looks. It was about time.

”Well thank God for small miracles,” Jim said with a reluctant smile.

Scotty’s face fell. “Jim, I’m ever so sorry about the circus. I know what it meant to ye. To all o’ us.”

”Me too,” said Bones. “And I’m sorry I took off the way did. With everything that was going wrong, I just got scared. But that’s my problem. When the going gets tough, I just give up. That’s happened with my family, my practice...and now my friend. I’m a damn yella-bellied coward.”

Jim clapped him on the shoulder. “You ran into a burning building to save a man, Bones. Nobody here thinks you’re a coward.”

”Does that mean you forgive me?” Bones said, mystified.

”Well...I don’t know if I’d go that far. But I don’t hate you, Bones. You’re my oldest friend in the world. You’re family.“ Jim grinned.

Bones actually grinned back. “Jim, I’ve learned my lesson, I promise. And I’m gonna prove myself to y’all. No more running.” A pensive gleam appeared in his eye. “ _I saw the sun begin to dim, and felt that winter wind blow cold. A man learns who is there for him, when the glitter fades and the walls won't hold. ‘Cause from that rubble, what remains can only be what's true. If all was lost, there’s more I gain...’cause it led me back to you._ ”

The others sat there, watching, smiles forming as they tapped their feet. “ _And from now on!_ ” Bones sang. “ _These eyes will not be blinded by the lights. From now on...what’s waited till tomorrow starts tonight—it starts tonight! Let this promise in me start, like an anthem in my heart. From now on...from now on..._ ”

“ _And we will come back home, and we will come back home! Home again,_ ” sang the others, getting to their feet (minus Scotty and Chekov) and starting to dance. “ _And we will come back home, and we will come back home! Home again..._ ”

“ _From now on_ ,” Bones harmonized.

“ _And we will come back home, and we will come back home! Home again...and we will come back home, and we will come back home! Home again..._ ” Bones affectionately ruffled Chekov’s shaggy hair, and received a friendly clap on the back from Sulu. Then Uhura leaned up and kissed his cheek, and Spock gave him a cordial handshake. Jim stepped up and he and Bones shared a firm hug. “ _From now on!_ ”

“ _These eyes will not be blinded by the lights,_ ” Bones sang.

“ _From now on..._ ”

“ _What’s waited till tomorrow starts tonight—it starts tonight! Let this promise in me start, like an anthem in my heart! From now on...from now on...from now on!_ ”

“ _And we will come back home, and we will come back home! Home again!_ ” Their singing suddenly grew calmer, more reverent. “ _And we will come back home, and we will come back home. Home again..._ ” Uhura sat back down beside Scotty, touching his cheek tenderly. Scotty smiled serenely, leaning into the touch. Sulu threw his arm playfully around Chekov, rubbing his knuckles into his scalp. Jim and Spock laced their fingers together discreetly, sharing a soft smile. “ _From now on...from now on...home again..._ ”

Jim looked around at the seven of them warmly. “It’s good to all be back together again...even if we’re all unemployed now.”

“Not necessarily,” said Bones with a little self-satisfied look. He stepped forward, looking at Jim. “Knowing your mind for business, I had the foresight of taking my cut weekly. I’ve always been a money hoarder—looks like it’s come in handy.”

“Bones, I couldn’t ask you-”

“You’re not askin’, I’m tellin’.” Bones smiled despite his gruffness. “We’ll use the money I saved to rebuild our business. Consider it my way of making up to all of you—especially you, Jim.”

 Jim thought for a second, then grinned devilishly. “Not quite, Bones. There is one other thing you have to do.”

 Bones groaned. “I’m already regretting this,” he said as Jim laughed and hugged him again.

 “But ze circus got burned down,” Chekov said. “Vhere vill ve perform now?”

 Jim’s eyes lit up, suddenly inspired. “We don’t need a building to put on our show. All we need is some space out in a field somewhere...and a tent...”

* * *

_Two months later..._

Crowds were stuffed to the gills inside the giant yellow-blue-and-red big top. Their excitement heightened as a single spotlight opened in the center of the dark ring on a figure in a golden yellow tailcoat and top hat.

 “ _Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for_ ,” Jim sang in a low, intense voice. “ _Been searchin’ in the dark, your sweat soakin’ through the floor. And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore. Takin’ your breath. Stealin’ your mind. And all that was real is left behind...don't fight it, it's comin’ for you, runnin’ at ya. It's only this moment, don't care what comes after. Your fever dream, can't you see it gettin’ closer? Just surrender 'cause you feel the feeling taking’ over._ ” Jim gestured with his cane and more spotlights came on at his cue. “ _It's fire, it's freedom, it's flooding open! It's a preacher in the pulpit and you'll find devotion! There's something breakin’ at the brick of every wall; it's holdin’ all that you know...so tell me do you wanna go?_ ”

The crowd went wild as Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and now, Ben, burst in in their fine, colorful costumes. On the sidelines, Scotty and his machines let off a flurry of smoke and sparks, and Spock flew over the seats on his trapeze. Pyatno ran around the arena, jumping through a series of rings. “ _Where it's covered in all the colored lights!_ ” the circus performers sang. “ _Where the runaways are runnin’ the night! Impossible comes true, it's taking over you...Oh, this is the greatest show! We light it up, we won't come down! And the sun can't stop us now! Watching it come true, it's taking over you. Oh, this is the greatest show!_ ”

“ _Colossal we come, these renegades in the ring_ ,” Jim sang as the others danced around him. “ _Where the lost get found in the crown of the circus king! Don't fight it, it's comin’ for you, runnin’ at ya! It's only this moment, don't care what comes after! It's blindin’, outshinin’ everything that you know! Just surrender 'cause you're comin’ and you wanna go!_ ”

“ _Where it's covered in all the colored lights!_ ” the ensemble sang. “ _Where the runaways are runnin’ the night! Impossible comes true-_ ”

“ _Intoxicatin’ you_ ,” Jim interjected.

“ _Oh, this is the greatest show! We light it up, we won't come down! And the sun can't stop us now.”_

“ _Watchin’ it come true-_ ”

“ _It's takin’ over you_ ,” finished the ensemble. “ _Oh, this is the greatest show!_ ”

“ _It's everything you ever want,_ ” Jim sang broadly. “ _It's everything you ever need. And it's here right in front of you...this is where you wanna be. It's everything you ever want. It's everything you ever need. And it's here right in front of you. This is where you wanna be!_ ”

“ _ **This is where you wanna be!**_ ” Uhura belted loudly over everyone.

“ _Where it's covered in all the colored lights. Where the runaways are runnin’ the night,_ ” the ensemble sang as Jim ran off. “ _Impossible comes true, it's takin’ over you...oh!_ ”

“ _This is the greatest show!_ ” Uhura yowled.

“ _We light it up, we won't come down. And the sun can't stop us now. Watchin’ it come true, it's takin’ over you..._ ”

Bones strode out into the center, looking splendid in a jaunty top hat and sky blue tailcoat, just like Jim’s. “ _This is the greatest show!_ ” he belted out, raising his arms. Reluctantly, he grinned.

“ _Where it's covered in all the colored lights! Where the runaways are runnin’ the night,_ ” Bones and the rest of the ensemble sang. “ _Impossible comes true, it's takin’ over you. Oh, this is the greatest show! We light it up, we won't come down. And the walls can't stop us now! I'm watchin’ it come true, it's takin’ over you. Oh, this is the greatest show!_ ”

Spock joined Jim backstage where he was watching Bones lead the show. Jim grinned at him and took his hands. “‘ _Cause everything you want is right in front of you. And you see the impossible is comin’ true. And the walls can't stop us now_ ,” they sang together. Spock leaned down and his and Jim’s lips met sweetly. Then Spock pulled away and led Jim back out into the ring to take his bow.

“ _This is the greatest show! Oh!_ ” the performers sang. “ _This is the greatest show! Oh!_ ”

“ _This is the greatest show!_ ” Bones sang out.

“ _This is the greatest show!_ ” Sulu, Ben, and Chekov echoed.

“ _This is the greatest show!_ ” Uhura and Scotty joined in.

“ _This is the greatest show!_ ” Jim and Spock sang too.

“ _This is the greatest show! Oh! This is the greatest show! Oh! **This is the greatest show!**_ ” the eight finished with a spectacular finale. And the applause was deafening.

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that’s the grand finale! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Thanks to you lovely reviewers and folks who left me kudos. You guys are the bomb.
> 
> Come see me on Tumblr sometime: victorian-sexstache.tumblr.com.

**Author's Note:**

> It goes without saying, I don’t own the music from The Greatest Showman.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [When the Glitter Fades](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885366) by [fiveainley_ohmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy), [Geritashipper123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geritashipper123/pseuds/Geritashipper123)




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